Cancer is a business of that there is no doubt. The fact that it has a beurocratic system to walk you through the paces is evidenealone.. But when one is faced wth having cancer, the business of cancer becomes intimate. You have to tell people... including bosses.
How do you tell your employer that you will be costing their company hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical expenses and will have huge needs that need to be met all while expecting them to not treat you any differently. Well, Megan doesn't want her principal to treat her differently but wants him to be understanding, kind and helpful. He will of course but what of the kids, the students? What kind of teacher will she be?
First, Megan like most people do not have the luxury of not working when faced with an illness. They have to work to maintain their insurance eligibility. They have to work to pay for the insurance that will keep them alive. Teachers need to be strong not because they want to be but because they cannot imagine doing it any other way. But how do you tell your boss that you will be able to do it when there is a part of you that isn't quite sure.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Wigs and Turbans
For most families, a summer Saturday does not include a two hour drive to a wig shop. But for Megan's family, it did. She became worried that after her chemo this week, that she wouldn't be up to a long trip and didn't want to find herself wigless and bald. Her and her husband packed up the girls and off they drove. The store was called A Plus wigs. Obviously a marketing tactic to be first in search engines or phone books but the experience did not score a passing grade. Being waited on by a senior curmudgeon, Megan considered leaving until the sweeter clerk began helping.
There were times while Megan adorned one wig after another that she would tear up at the foreigner staring back at her. It was unsettling for her to see herself change so dramatically and the choice of changing was not hers to be had. This was happening one way or another.
She settled on two wigs that were not awful, yet not perfect either. Would there be perfection in this process? Finally, she decided to hold off on the synthetic mops and instead switched her focus to turban, scarves and hats. A much more enjoyable process that offered comfort and vibrant colors. She wondered if she even needed a wig. Maybe she would be the kind of confidant woman who embraced her au natural self and wore nothing while walking with swagger. Maybe she just needs to find another wig shop!
There were times while Megan adorned one wig after another that she would tear up at the foreigner staring back at her. It was unsettling for her to see herself change so dramatically and the choice of changing was not hers to be had. This was happening one way or another.
She settled on two wigs that were not awful, yet not perfect either. Would there be perfection in this process? Finally, she decided to hold off on the synthetic mops and instead switched her focus to turban, scarves and hats. A much more enjoyable process that offered comfort and vibrant colors. She wondered if she even needed a wig. Maybe she would be the kind of confidant woman who embraced her au natural self and wore nothing while walking with swagger. Maybe she just needs to find another wig shop!
Cat Scans - Human Resources - Staples
The day began with me picking Megan up to drive her to the various appointments of the day. First stop, Human Resources. Two ladies awaited us and invited us into their offices. They had pulled Megan's file and were able to answer all of her questions. She can miss a total of 12 weeks throughout the school year under the FMLA Act. This means that while her supervisor may at times make her feel guilty for not working at her highest level, he cannot get rid of her. She also learned that she will be considered disabled and under ADA laws will be protected if needing a little assistance. They were kind, helpful and we recorded the conversation.
Then off we hurried to Staples to pick up a new fun binder and document protectors as well as a business card holder to get this cancer stuff organized. Looking at office supplies can be such a rush!
Finally, we headed to the cancer center to begin the CT scan. Megan had to drink about a half gallon of red blood looking stuff. She told the receptionist she would have to pretend she was carrying Edwards baby and guzzle away.
When the drink was finished, Megan had to follow a short stocky man to the changing area. He told her to change and meet him in the room. Once there, he had her lay down on the table, inserted an iv, asked a bunch of questions, had her sign a paper and began.
He warned that the she might experience a warming sensation, or the feeling of wetting herself and he flipped the switch and she could hear the swish of fluid as it streamed through her veins.. "Here we go," she thought.
Megan did indeed feel the heat but it stopped in her throat and she felt as if she was drowning. Trying to hold still, she opened her mouth ingesting large quantities of air. No, she wasn't drowning but the table began to move and she felt motion sickness. She knew she needed to start a visualizing session but thinking sun,sand,and waves wasn't doing the trick. As the table propelled itself forward again, Megan thought of a giant roller coaster. She was able to picture herself riding in the front car as the table jolted her to the top of the ride, her anticipation mounting the arrival of descent. It worked somehow and she endured the rest of the test without ever climaxing on the downhill fall.
As quickly as it began, it was over and she was free to dress and leave. Feeling inebriated and woozy, she found her way back to the lobby where I waited for her. I could sense she was different and not feeling well. We headed home with a quick stop at KFC for mashed potatoes and when Megan tumbled to bed, she slept hard and deep for hours. If contrast was that hard on her, what will it be like when she begins chemo?
Then off we hurried to Staples to pick up a new fun binder and document protectors as well as a business card holder to get this cancer stuff organized. Looking at office supplies can be such a rush!
Finally, we headed to the cancer center to begin the CT scan. Megan had to drink about a half gallon of red blood looking stuff. She told the receptionist she would have to pretend she was carrying Edwards baby and guzzle away.
When the drink was finished, Megan had to follow a short stocky man to the changing area. He told her to change and meet him in the room. Once there, he had her lay down on the table, inserted an iv, asked a bunch of questions, had her sign a paper and began.
He warned that the she might experience a warming sensation, or the feeling of wetting herself and he flipped the switch and she could hear the swish of fluid as it streamed through her veins.. "Here we go," she thought.
Megan did indeed feel the heat but it stopped in her throat and she felt as if she was drowning. Trying to hold still, she opened her mouth ingesting large quantities of air. No, she wasn't drowning but the table began to move and she felt motion sickness. She knew she needed to start a visualizing session but thinking sun,sand,and waves wasn't doing the trick. As the table propelled itself forward again, Megan thought of a giant roller coaster. She was able to picture herself riding in the front car as the table jolted her to the top of the ride, her anticipation mounting the arrival of descent. It worked somehow and she endured the rest of the test without ever climaxing on the downhill fall.
As quickly as it began, it was over and she was free to dress and leave. Feeling inebriated and woozy, she found her way back to the lobby where I waited for her. I could sense she was different and not feeling well. We headed home with a quick stop at KFC for mashed potatoes and when Megan tumbled to bed, she slept hard and deep for hours. If contrast was that hard on her, what will it be like when she begins chemo?
4th of July - A Day Off From Cancer
Try as she might, Megan could not force any doctor to work on the Fourth, so she had to settle for cooking a wonderful dinner and watching fireworks. The day was not perfect but she laughed, she conspired, she ate good food and relaxed. Maybe there was a different kind of doctor working on her that day that was unexpected and provided just the right dose of what she needed.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Oncology
Megan's husband stayed home today to take her to the oncologist. The man with the answers they hoped. He shared that the rest of the pathology report had not been finished and it was needed to make definitive decisions about the treatment plan. But even without it, a plan was devised.
Since the lymph nodes were positive for cancer. It was decided that chemotherapy would begin as soon as possible and the removal of the tumor and lymph nodes would wait until after chemo. Many tests were ordered which will aide in decisions. Here is the breakdown of the next week:
Fri: Cat Scan
Tues: CT Scan - morning then in afternoon visit with Surgeon - will have same day surgery to put in chemo port
Wed: MRI of left Breast and annual visit with family practice doctor
Thurs: Chemo begins
On the way out of the office, a woman with a little girl and a scarf on her head was checking out for the day and making her new appointment. Megan asked her how many treatments she had received because she looked so sickly. She kindly replied that this was her third treatment. Megan asked when she lost her hair. 14 days exactly the woman replied. Megan will be bald by the end of July.
Since the lymph nodes were positive for cancer. It was decided that chemotherapy would begin as soon as possible and the removal of the tumor and lymph nodes would wait until after chemo. Many tests were ordered which will aide in decisions. Here is the breakdown of the next week:
Fri: Cat Scan
Tues: CT Scan - morning then in afternoon visit with Surgeon - will have same day surgery to put in chemo port
Wed: MRI of left Breast and annual visit with family practice doctor
Thurs: Chemo begins
On the way out of the office, a woman with a little girl and a scarf on her head was checking out for the day and making her new appointment. Megan asked her how many treatments she had received because she looked so sickly. She kindly replied that this was her third treatment. Megan asked when she lost her hair. 14 days exactly the woman replied. Megan will be bald by the end of July.
Kittens and Cries
Megan left her doctors appointment today with two appointments in hand. She meets with her oncologist tomorrow and the surgeon next Tuesday. Her daughters were anxious to leave to go pick up the kittys she had promised them. They drove to the humane society where the excitement was palpable. Amongst all the sad animals who attempt to give a winning 30 second audition encouraging perspective adopters to pause and get to know them, was the two kittens who succeeded at this task. They were placed in cardboard boxes and cried all the way home. Sadie and Bernice however were the opposite of crying. They were so grateful for the two kittens and mom and dad smiled all the way home. Good distraction!
Later that evening, Sadie ran to her mom to tell her Bernice was crying. Bernice didn't want to bother mom whom she had heard screaming and crying earlier in the day. Megan went however and cuddled up to the sweet girl and she layed in her room trying to catch her breath and swat away Lena the kitty. Megan held her baby who was terrified, so afraid of losing her mother. Bernice struggles to share her feelings and this much pain was pushing her far. She asked if her mother would spend the night with her and Megan promised she would. Lena, however refused to leave them alond and Bernice finally went to sleep with Daddy while Megan layed wide awake with a beautiful kitten wondering how she was going to comfort her girls when she herself would need care.
Later that evening, Sadie ran to her mom to tell her Bernice was crying. Bernice didn't want to bother mom whom she had heard screaming and crying earlier in the day. Megan went however and cuddled up to the sweet girl and she layed in her room trying to catch her breath and swat away Lena the kitty. Megan held her baby who was terrified, so afraid of losing her mother. Bernice struggles to share her feelings and this much pain was pushing her far. She asked if her mother would spend the night with her and Megan promised she would. Lena, however refused to leave them alond and Bernice finally went to sleep with Daddy while Megan layed wide awake with a beautiful kitten wondering how she was going to comfort her girls when she herself would need care.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Screams
Dr. Tellerman, the radiologist called Megan early today. Invasive Ductile Cancer!! What more was there to say. It's in the lymph nodes. Megan did ask if they were able to detect the lymph nodes on the mammogram and she told her no. She asked because she has the same feeling on her right side where they did not screen. The good doctor told her another ultrasound was not necessary because they would be doing extensive testing to see where else the cancer might be. This will be most likely in the form of a PET scan and CT Scan.
Shortly after the call, Megan's mother walked into the room. She was asked to shut the door where she was told the news. Megan watched as the mother who has bben there for her always sat there so vulnerable to what was happening and Megan began to scream at the top of her lungs.
Like the flood gates of a damn, when opened, require much effort to close. Megan asked her mom to get the girls, get her husband and get out. But no, the good husband comes in to do what good men do and hold his wife as she screams. Finally, Megan begs him to leave so she can be alone.
Megan's FB Post:
And the gravity gave way and the earth pulled itself free and I floated for a moment alone and in blackness not sure where or with what force I will land.
Megan cried for awhile longer and then picked herself up, washed her face, cooked lunch and started the research. She called the surgeon's office but they didn't have a time yet. Megan has staged herself at 3A which provides a 67% survival rate unless it has metasticized elsewhere which lowers the numbers.
Shortly after the call, Megan's mother walked into the room. She was asked to shut the door where she was told the news. Megan watched as the mother who has bben there for her always sat there so vulnerable to what was happening and Megan began to scream at the top of her lungs.
Like the flood gates of a damn, when opened, require much effort to close. Megan asked her mom to get the girls, get her husband and get out. But no, the good husband comes in to do what good men do and hold his wife as she screams. Finally, Megan begs him to leave so she can be alone.
Megan's FB Post:
And the gravity gave way and the earth pulled itself free and I floated for a moment alone and in blackness not sure where or with what force I will land.
Megan cried for awhile longer and then picked herself up, washed her face, cooked lunch and started the research. She called the surgeon's office but they didn't have a time yet. Megan has staged herself at 3A which provides a 67% survival rate unless it has metasticized elsewhere which lowers the numbers.
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